Renowned parenting expert and author Janet Lansbury recently tackled one of the most agonizing dilemmas faced by modern mothers and fathers: how to break free from the negative cycles of an emotionally difficult upbringing. In a recent episode of her widely followed podcast, Unruffled, Lansbury responded to a deeply vulnerable letter from a mother struggling with high anxiety, perfectionism, and the residual effects of being raised by a mother she describes as practicing psychological abuse, guilt trips, and the silent treatment.
The mother, navigating the daily realities of raising children aged five and a half and three and a half, confessed that despite reading acclaimed parenting literature like No Bad Kids and The Whole-Brain Child, she finds herself falling back into the very patterns she is desperately trying to avoid. When her patience wears thin, she resorts to yelling, lecturing, and using harsh tones—methods she learned directly from her own childhood experiences. Compounding her daily stress is a complicated domestic dynamic involving screen-time battles originally cultivated by well-meaning in-laws, and a husband who frequently counters her parenting decisions and criticizes her tone.
Rather than dismissing these immense challenges, Lansbury offered a compassionate and grounded framework for self-reflection, emphasizing that overcoming an abusive or unsupportive upbringing is entirely possible. She stressed that it is never too late to reshape the relationship between parents and young children, noting that human relationships are always in motion and continuously developing.
At the heart of Lansbury’s advice is a fundamental shift in how parents view personal boundaries. Many adults who grew up in harsh environments internalize the message that their own needs do not matter and that asking for what they want risks outright rejection. This historical lack of emotional safety often breeds perfectionism and chronic anxiety, forcing individuals into an exhausting cycle of trying to perform perfectly just to feel acceptable.
Lansbury explained that true boundaries are not about negotiation, securing approval, or forcing children to agree with a parent’s decision. Instead, setting a healthy boundary means calmly asserting what is necessary for the household and the well-being of the children, while accepting that the children are allowed to feel frustrated, angry, or disappointed by those limits. When parents slip into lecturing, reasoning excessively, or shouting, they are typically operating from a defensive "back foot" position born of discomfort with asserting their own authority.
Drawing from the specific struggles outlined in the letter, Lansbury addressed the friction surrounding digital media and screen time. She noted that children thrive when limits are established with absolute clarity, rather than through vague compromises or half-measures that keep the prohibited item lingering in their minds. By implementing clear, resolute decisions—such as taking a definitive break from devices—and weathering the initial storm of emotional resistance without resorting to anger, parents can provide the steady leadership that children fundamentally crave.
Lansbury also highlighted the importance of letting go of elements outside a parent’s control. She acknowledged the difficult reality the mother faced when her wishes regarding screen time and snacks were initially bypassed by her mother-in-law during periods of free childcare, noting that when relying on others for help, perfection is rarely attainable, and holding onto lingering resentment only drains a parent’s emotional reserves.
While stopping short of offering formal marital counseling, Lansbury gently touched upon the tension caused by a partner’s constant criticism. She suggested that asserting respectful boundaries applies to adult relationships just as much as parent-child dynamics, noting that calmly and firmly letting a partner know when communication crosses the line can serve as a powerful model of self-respect for observing children.
Ultimately, Lansbury’s message centers on self-forgiveness and the realization that parents deserve to stand up for their own convictions. By trading perfectionism for self-compassion and recognizing that children actually find relief when guided by a confident, calm authority figure, parents can begin to dismantle the echoes of their own upbringing and build a lasting bond rooted in mutual trust and respect.
In the pursuit of holistic health and daily stress relief, wellness advocates are turning a classic evening ritual into a targeted health strategy. While a warm bath has long been praised as a simple method for winding down at the end of a long day, wellness experts and practitioners are highlighting the potential of specialized detox baths. Positioned as an inexpensive way to address skin issues and the modern accumulation of environmental toxins, these enhanced soaks utilize simple pantry ingredients to support the body’s natural elimination systems.
The concept of detoxification often brings to mind restrictive cleanses or expensive spa treatments, but health writers and practitioners emphasize that the human body is naturally equipped for the task. Organs such as the liver, kidneys, and skin work continuously to filter and remove waste products from the body. However, proponents note that the demands of modern life can sometimes place an increased burden on these innate systems, creating a need for gentle, targeted support. For individuals pressed for time, even a simple foot soak using these natural ingredients can offer many of the same relaxation and circulatory benefits as a full-immersion bath.
Because the natural detoxification process can occasionally leave individuals feeling fatigued, health advocates generally recommend incorporating these specialized baths into an evening or bedtime routine. This timing allows the body to rest and recover fully following the soak. Furthermore, these natural remedies are frequently noted as being safe and soothing for children, offering a gentle way to support the body’s natural defenses when formulated correctly. Nevertheless, medical professionals advise that anyone with underlying health conditions, as well as those who are pregnant or nursing, should consult with a healthcare provider before introducing new wellness routines.
At the center of these wellness routines is the traditional Epsom salt bath, which serves as a foundational recipe for many at-home remedies. Alongside magnesium-rich salts, a variety of alternative bath preparations utilize everyday household items such as clay, vinegar, and specialized spices. These ingredients are chosen for their ability to promote circulation, assist the body’s natural elimination processes, and provide deep relaxation.
Among the variations gaining attention is the clay detox bath, which incorporates bentonite clay. Known for its absorbent properties, bentonite clay is frequently utilized in natural skincare routines for its ability to bind to heavy metals that can accumulate in the body over time. When preparing a clay bath, practitioners often recommend utilizing a drain filter or cloth trap to prevent the sediment from accumulating in household plumbing and potentially causing blockages. The combination of bentonite clay and warm water works to draw out impurities, while Epsom salts help replenish magnesium levels in the body.
Another traditional variation focuses on botanical additions like organic mustard powder, distinct from the prepared condiment found in refrigerators. Historically utilized by ancient cultures to soothe the effects of seasonal colds, flus, and sore muscles, organic mustard powder contains properties that stimulate circulation. When combined with magnesium and select essential oils, a mustard bath offers both aromatic and soothing benefits designed to ease physical tension.
For those dealing with seasonal illness, congestion, or skin irritation, alternative preparations incorporating ingredients like ginger or apple cider vinegar are frequently utilized. Ginger is widely recognized for its ability to clear congestion, alleviate body aches, and stimulate circulation, which can aid the body during recovery. Similarly, vinegar baths are frequently employed to address specific skin concerns such as dryness, itching, sunburn, or dandruff. Because vinegar helps to balance the skin’s natural pH levels, an apple cider vinegar bath can leave the skin feeling soft and the hair with added shine, though individuals often choose to rinse off with a cool shower afterward to remove any lingering scent.
Medical reviewers and family physicians emphasize that any new health regimen, including natural bath therapies, should be approached gradually to allow the body to adapt. As interest in holistic lifestyle changes continues to grow, experts stress the importance of combining these home remedies with safe water filtration practices and professional medical guidance to ensure overall health and safety.
In Plato’s classic philosophical dialogue Phaedrus, Socrates offers a timeless caution regarding the invention of writing. He warns that relying on external text might weaken human memory and create the deceptive appearance of wisdom without true, internalized understanding. As one of history’s earliest educators to confront a major technological disruption in learning, Plato was not outright rejecting writing itself. Instead, he was deeply questioning how a powerful new tool might fundamentally reshape human thinking when it begins to supplant dialogue, genuine interpersonal relationships, and lived, physical experience.
Today, the rapid evolution and integration of artificial intelligence present a remarkably comparable moment in modern education. This technological shift compels educators, policymakers, and communities to ask not only if or how new digital tools should be integrated into classrooms, but whether the fundamental goal of education itself needs to change in a society that is becoming acutely algorithmic. As we look ahead, society must figure out how to reorient toward a future where human beings can still create independently, think deeply, persist through inevitable difficulty, and ultimately find meaning and thrive within their communities.
The Impacts of AI on Critical Thinking, Engagement, and Motivation
When MIT researchers recently surveyed school leaders to gather their perspectives on the accelerating use of artificial intelligence in education, cognitive offloading emerged as the primary fear among educators. This concern is far from unfounded, especially considering that growing research already demonstrates a clear human propensity to offload critical thinking tasks when interacting with AI systems.
A prominent study presented at the ACM CHI Conference on Human Factors in Computing Systems found that while generative artificial intelligence undeniably improved efficiency in knowledge-work, it simultaneously reduced critical engagement and fostered long-term dependence. As user confidence in the performance of AI tools rose, human effort shifted away from deep problem-solving and toward mere verification and integration, which ultimately weakened independent reasoning over time.
Another compelling study out of a business school in Switzerland explored similar dynamics but introduced a crucial twist. Researchers observed participants preparing to answer interview questions with the help of artificial intelligence, divided into groups with and without structured guidance. Those who used unguided AI engaged in heavy cognitive offloading without experiencing any improvement in the quality of their reasoning. Conversely, participants who received structured prompting help significantly enhanced both their critical reasoning and reflective engagement. At the educational level, these findings speak directly to widespread concerns about AI’s potential negative impact on learning if teachers and students are not equipped with proper training and boundaries.
Beyond reasoning skills, artificial intelligence possesses the capacity to make tasks so frictionless for users that it creates an almost immediate negative effect on intrinsic motivation. A study published in Nature.com revealed that direct collaboration with AI enhanced immediate task performance during specific assignments, but it simultaneously led to a notable decline in intrinsic motivation and an increase in boredom. This underscores a stark tradeoff between short-term productivity and long-term human engagement, making a particularly strong case against the unmonitored use of advanced AI tools for young, developing learners.
The Importance of Preserving Offline Learning
To understand the neurological impacts of technological dependence, MIT researchers recently asked subjects to write several SAT essays using either OpenAI’s ChatGPT, Google’s search engine, or no technological assistance at all. The resulting electroencephalogram (EEG) data reinforced the idea that students learn best without technological assistance, and specifically without the intervention of artificial intelligence. Mastering fundamental writing skills offline naturally increases brain connectivity and helps individuals internalize language, reading comprehension, and the structural nuances of written communication. This foundational mastery preserves long-term fluency and comprehension, ensuring that when students eventually choose to utilize AI tools later in life, they do so as empowered editors and authors rather than passive prompt recipients.
Engaging learners in the offline world will remain the absolute key to preserving natural curiosity and internal motivation. True resilience and willpower are best taught through productive struggle. For younger students, practical arts applications such as learning to play the violin, engaging in woodworking, or taking up knitting shine brightly in this endeavor. These moments of hands-on physical difficulty build perseverance, frustration tolerance, and an embodied understanding of the world in a way that is deeply engaging and joyful. In an increasingly AI-enhanced world where everyday friction is systematically removed, the human capacity to stay with difficulty becomes a profound advantage.
A Sense of Identity and Human Relationships at the Heart of Schooling
Healthy discernment is a critical skill that must be carefully developed in children long before they are given access to generative artificial intelligence. As a recent UNICEF article warns, the persuasiveness of modern AI systems—combined with sophisticated personality engineering designed to appeal to the human desire for praise and validation—means that children’s beliefs, behaviors, and even their core sense of identity could be shaped by these systems during a sensitive period of development. Malicious use or unfiltered exposure could make children uniquely vulnerable to manipulation, online exploitation, and abuse. Such dynamics threaten to undermine children’s personal agency, their right to freedom of thought, and their capacity for independent psychological development.
These concerns only intensify when artificial intelligence is centered directly in learning environments for young children. Experts at the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, in their guiding resource titled "Is AI Dangerous for Children?", highlight a wide array of mounting risks. These include hazardous overattachment to conversational chatbots, a reduction in vital real-world social relationships, data privacy vulnerabilities, the proliferation of deepfakes, and the gradual erosion of hands-on, creative, and critical learning experiences.
Ultimately, these challenges reveal that authentic real-world relationships are truly what is at stake in modern education. Human relationships must remain at the very center of schooling. A robust body of educational research shows that the teacher-to-student relationship, student-to-student interactions, and the connection between the student and their broader community serve as the primary teachers of empathy, responsibility, and social awareness, all while significantly boosting academic outcomes. These are not only human abilities that no machine can ever replicate, but they are also the essential capacities required for a grounded, meaningful life.
If society truly wishes to prepare children for an AI-enhanced world, education’s most urgent task is not to accelerate cognition or outsource thinking to algorithms, but rather to anchor children firmly in deep thinking, authentic relationships, and rich lived experiences. Only from this secure foundation can artificial intelligence properly serve human development rather than quietly reshaping what it means to be human.
Make a Difference in the Life of an Incarcerated Person
In correctional facilities across the country, individuals navigating the darkest periods of their lives are finding a vital source of comfort, reflection, and personal growth. Through a dedicated outreach initiative, Guide for Spiritual Living: Science of Mind magazine continues to extend its reach far beyond traditional readership, bringing transformative spiritual principles directly to those behind bars. For individuals seeking a path toward rehabilitation and inner peace, these pages offer more than just reading material—they provide a roadmap for profound personal change.
The publication’s outreach effort relies heavily on the generosity of supporters who fund complimentary subscriptions for incarcerated individuals and correctional center study groups. For many residing within the penal system, access to uplifting and educational literature is severely limited. By bridging this gap, the magazine helps foster an environment of introspection, accountability, and emotional healing.
Supporters looking to participate in this impactful ministry can do so through a streamlined donation process. A contribution of $48.95 covers the cost of a full one-year subscription, ensuring that an incarcerated reader receives regular editions filled with spiritual guidance, positive affirmations, and thoughtful essays. Organizers behind the initiative emphasize that every contribution directly fuels this mission of outreach and rehabilitation, creating a tangible bridge between the outside community and those working to reform their lives from within.
The impact of this ministry extends deeply into the daily realities of correctional facilities. Prison environments are frequently characterized by high stress, conflict, and emotional isolation. Programs that encourage mental and spiritual resilience play an essential role in helping individuals cope with the immense pressures of incarceration. By introducing concepts centered on personal responsibility, emotional regulation, and spiritual awareness, the publication supports learning and applying practical principles designed to disrupt the cyclical nature of crime and incarceration.
Organizers note that the initiative promotes a principled and transformative process for everyone called to participate, whether they are readers seeking inner peace or donors investing in community-wide rehabilitation. The philosophy at the heart of the magazine encourages individuals to examine their thoughts, alter their perspectives, and build a foundation for a more constructive future upon their eventual release.
Your gift of $48.95 makes this powerful ministry possible. Thank you.
The mechanics of the donation program are designed to be both direct and responsive to the needs of the incarcerated population. When individuals contribute through the designated donation page, the publishing team coordinates the distribution, sending a one-year subscription directly to an incarcerated person who has formally requested the material. This ensures that every donated copy goes into the hands of someone actively seeking guidance and willing to engage with the material.
Furthermore, the outreach effort accommodates those who wish to support a specific individual rather than relying solely on the general distribution queue. For donors who have a particular family member, friend, or acquaintance currently serving time who would benefit from the publication, the organization provides a direct point of contact. Supporters wishing to share the gift with a specific person are encouraged to reach out via email to [email protected] to coordinate the customized delivery.
This personal touch highlights the emotional weight carried by the outreach program. For many families, maintaining a positive connection with an incarcerated loved one can be challenging, particularly when dealing with the geographical and logistical barriers of the prison system. Providing a shared intellectual and spiritual resource can offer a meaningful point of connection and conversation between the incarcerated individual and their support network on the outside.
The true measure of the ministry’s success is perhaps best understood through the voices of those who receive the publication. The daily realities of life within correctional facilities can easily erode a person’s sense of hope and self-worth. Yet, brief moments of clarity and spiritual grounding often arrive through unexpected channels, offering a vital anchor during turbulent times.
Reflecting on the profound impact the publication has had on his journey, a reader named Jonathon shared a deeply personal account of receiving the magazine during a period of immense grief and institutional struggle.
“Science of Mind magazine was ordered from a friend of my father’s for me after my father passed away. I’ve gone through so many battles while here in prison, but this little magazine has always shown up just in time and helped bring my spirits along with my focus back to where it should be. I want to say ‘thank you’ to all.”
— Jonathon
Jonathon’s experience echoes the sentiments of numerous other readers within the correctional system who find solace in the pages of the publication. The timing of the delivery—arriving precisely when emotional and psychological burdens feel heaviest—underscores the steady, dependable nature of the outreach effort. For individuals like Jonathon, maintaining focus and emotional stability is a daily struggle, and external resources that encourage positive reflection can make the critical difference between despair and rehabilitation.
As the outreach initiative moves forward, organizers continue to invite members of the public to consider the profound difference a simple subscription can make in the life of someone striving to overcome adversity. Through the collective generosity of readers and donors, Guide for Spiritual Living: Science of Mind magazine remains a steadfast beacon of hope, proving that transformative spiritual principles can transcend even the highest prison walls.
From the rocky shores of the Atlantic to the rugged peaks of the Pacific coast and the vast stretches of the Prairies, homeschooling has quietly woven itself into the fabric of Canadian education. Legal across every province and territory, home-based education has evolved from a countercultural movement into a thriving, mainstream educational choice for thousands of families. Among those who have witnessed this remarkable transformation firsthand is Dawna Ferguson, an Alberta-based mother of seven and the International Representative for Classical Conversations Canada.
Ferguson’s journey in home education began more than three decades ago, in 1993, when she and her husband made the decision to bring their two eldest daughters home for their schooling. Over the years, as their family grew to include seven children, Ferguson watched the modern Canadian homeschool community expand from a fragile network into a robust, nationwide movement. At the heart of this growth has been the expansion of Classical Conversations Canada, a Christ-centered educational program that has grown from just five local communities serving 88 students in the 2012–2013 academic year to 53 communities supporting approximately 2,000 students today.
In a recent reflection on her family’s three-decade journey, Ferguson shares how her household found the endurance to finish strong with a large family, the unique elements that make the classical education model distinctly Canadian, and why she believes today’s home-educated students are uniquely positioned to become the future leaders of the nation.
A Mari Usque Ad Mare: The Historical Roots of Canada’s National Identity
The national motto of Canada, A Mari Usque Ad Mare, translates from Latin as "From Sea to Sea." The phrase is drawn directly from the King James Version of Psalm 72:8, which reads, "He shall have dominion also from sea to sea, and from the river unto the ends of the earth." During the Confederation of Canada, statesman Samuel Leonard Tilley is widely believed to have drawn inspiration from this exact biblical passage when he suggested the official title, the Dominion of Canada.
From its earliest days as a confederated nation, Canada’s name and motto have carried deep historical and spiritual significance, pointing to a heritage rooted in scriptural tradition. For Ferguson and many other Canadian families, this connection adds a profound layer of meaning to daily education. Each time Canadian children recite the national motto or trace the nation’s sprawling coastlines on a map, they are engaging with words first penned in ancient poetry reflecting the reign of God.
The country’s name itself carries a rich historical legacy, originating from the St. Lawrence Iroquoian word kanata, which translates to "village" or "settlement." French explorer Jacques Cartier eventually applied the term not just to a single settlement, but to the entire surrounding region. Over generations, the name expanded alongside the geographic footprint of the land until July 1, 1867, when Confederation formally established the Dominion of Canada. Today, the nation stands as a bilingual country with English and French as its official languages, spanning across the Rocky Mountains, the sweeping Prairies, countless northern lakes, and stretching from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic shore.
A Short History of Homeschooling and Legal Protections in Canada
The modern home education movement in Canada did not come easily. When it began taking root across the country in the 1970s and 1980s, pioneering families faced significant skepticism, bureaucratic resistance, and, in some cases, severe legal jeopardy, with early practitioners occasionally facing the threat of having their children removed from their homes.
The landscape shifted significantly with the establishment of organized legal advocacy. Ferguson points to the vital support provided by the Home School Legal Defense Association (HSLDA) during those turbulent decades, as well as the founding of the Home School Legal Defence Association of Canada in 1991. The sustained legal and advisory work of these organizations helped secure the broad freedoms and protections that Canadian families enjoy today, ensuring that parents retain the fundamental right to direct the education of their children.
When Ferguson and her husband began homeschooling in 1993, they started with their three eldest daughters. Several years later, when four more children joined their family, continuing the homeschool journey was an easy decision, even if the specific pedagogical method remained open to discussion.
Finding Longevity and Community Through Classical Conversations
As her family continued to grow, Ferguson began looking ahead with a specific goal in mind: she wanted to finish her homeschooling journey as strongly as she had started it. Having observed larger families grow weary during the final stretch of educating their youngest children, she sought a structured, cohesive program that would carry her household all the way through high school graduation without burning out.
An invitation to a local information meeting introduced her family to Classical Conversations, a Christ-centered classical education model. Although she admits she initially had little idea what the commitment would entail, she recognized it as a timely opportunity. In the early years, the family worked through the foundational memory work at home, incorporating songs, games, and grammar exercises with younger children playing underfoot. The consistent academic structure and positive peer engagement provided the exact support system the family needed.
Decades later, the fruit of that initial decision is clear. Ferguson and her husband have successfully graduated six of their children through the program, with their youngest currently progressing through the high school Challenge levels. Looking back, she expresses deep gratitude as she watches her adult children step into the world as articulate, generous individuals capable of articulating and defending their Christian faith. Many of her younger daughters have been invited to speak at churches, participate in mission trips, and lead small groups, leaving their parents to watch from the sidelines as proud supporters.
Adapting Classical Education for Canadian Students
While Classical Conversations operates globally under a shared pedagogical vision, the Canadian branches incorporate distinct local elements to reflect the nation’s heritage. Canadian families utilize tailored history sentences and geography focused specifically on Canada during Foundations Cycle 3. These curriculum elements guide students through 24 weeks of comprehensive history, ranging from Indigenous peoples and early exploration all the way to the patriation of the Constitution in 1982.
Furthermore, high school students enrolled in the Challenge programs examine foundational documents from both American and Canadian history, allowing them to draw comparisons between the governance and origins of the two neighboring nations. By naming local rivers across the Prairies or identifying provincial capitals, students engage in the classical tradition of observing and naming the world around them.
Rapid Growth Across the Provinces and Territories
The expansion of Classical Conversations in Canada mirrors the broader growth of home education nationwide. The organization planted its very first international community outside the United States in Mississauga, Ontario, in 2005. Since then, the network has experienced steady, organic expansion. In the 2012–2013 academic year, the organization comprised just five communities supporting 88 students. By the 2025–2026 academic year, those figures had risen to 53 communities serving approximately 2,000 students across the country.
Ferguson attributes this growth to the dedication of parents who prioritize community, educational freedom, and the holistic development of the next generation. In her role as an international representative, she frequently travels across the country to visit local groups. From listening to students in Ottawa recite the historical timeline song together to watching young children in Edmonton practice their first public presentations, she observes a shared enthusiasm among families learning side by side, regardless of whether they reside in Alberta, Ontario, or any other province with its own unique regulatory framework.
Throughout these visits, Ferguson has also witnessed the deep bonds formed within these local networks. In one instance, when a young student in a local community developed a severe heart condition requiring frequent travel and complex surgeries, the surrounding families mobilized immediately, organizing meal trains, offering continuous prayer, and providing material support. For Ferguson, moments like these demonstrate the true value of the community model.
Looking to the Future from Sea to Sea
Rooted in the guiding motto to "know God and to make Him known," Classical Conversations communities across Canada continue to offer a collaborative space where independent-minded families can share their strengths, support one another through challenges, and fulfill what they view as a divine responsibility to educate their children.
As homeschooling continues to establish deep roots from the Pacific to the Atlantic, families like the Fergusons see their daily educational efforts as part of a much larger legacy. Whether children are memorizing the geography of the northern territories, teenagers are analyzing historical texts, or young adults are stepping into leadership roles within their churches and local communities, the overarching mission remains focused on preparing the next generation to stand firm and serve others with conviction.
The way humans connect, bond, and navigate romantic or platonic relationships is largely rooted in psychological frameworks established long before adulthood. Among the various relational styles identified by psychologists, ambivalent attachment—often characterized by a persistent duality of wanting profound closeness while simultaneously bracing for abandonment—continues to be a major focus of clinical research and mental health discussions. Exploring what drives this attachment style, how it manifests in daily life, and whether it can be reshaped over time provides essential insight for individuals navigating these patterns themselves or supporting a partner who exhibits them.
What causes ambivalent attachment?
Ambivalent attachment typically takes root in early childhood development. When a primary caregiver or parent is sometimes warm, attentive, and fully engaged, but at other times distracted, stressed, or emotionally unavailable, a developing child learns that love and safety are fundamentally unpredictable. This inconsistency creates a deep-seated anxiety about whether comfort and support will be present when they are needed most.
Over time, the child develops specific coping strategies designed to cling tightly to connection. These strategies often involve actively seeking closeness while simultaneously bracing for it to disappear at any moment. Clinical experts note that this dynamic is not always a consequence of overt neglect. Frequently, caregivers themselves may be overwhelmed, emotionally depleted, or carrying their own unresolved attachment wounds from their past. Regardless of the underlying parental stress, the resulting psychological impact on the child remains consistent: love is perceived as both essential for survival and fundamentally unreliable.
How do I know if I have ambivalent attachment?
Individuals navigating ambivalent attachment often notice recurring patterns across their personal relationships. A primary indicator is a strong, persistent craving for reassurance that rarely results in a lasting sense of internal calm, even when that reassurance is successfully received. Minor shifts in a partner’s tone of voice, level of attention, or texting habits can easily trigger outsized fears or anxieties regarding abandonment.
Furthermore, overthinking, intense analytical processing of interpersonal interactions, and emotional swinging between deep feelings of connection and sudden, acute uncertainty are remarkably common. Mental health professionals suggest that if these distinct relational patterns consistently show up across multiple relationships over time, it serves as a strong sign of an underlying ambivalent attachment style.
Can an ambivalent attachment style change over time?
A common question among those who identify with insecure attachment patterns is whether these traits are permanent. Psychological research indicates that attachment styles can indeed change. While early childhood experiences undoubtedly lay the foundational framework for how a person relates to others, an individual’s attachment style is capable of shifting as they accumulate new, repeated experiences of safety and stability.
Supportive relationships, dedicated psychotherapy, and active personal work focusing on emotional self-regulation all contribute to strengthening secure attachment over time. This transformative process is typically gradual, occurring through repeated micro-moments of emotional repair and reliable reassurance. Gradually, these positive experiences work to retrain the human nervous system, helping an individual truly trust that emotional closeness can be safe and enduring.
What’s the difference between ambivalent and avoidant attachment?
While both ambivalent and avoidant attachment styles originate from early inconsistencies in caregiving, they lead individuals toward opposite behavioral and emotional coping strategies. People who develop an ambivalent attachment style tend to lean into relationships, actively seeking closeness, reassurance, and ongoing connection. In certain instances, these behaviors can manifest in ways that feel intense, demanding, or overwhelming to a romantic partner.
Conversely, individuals with an avoidant attachment style tend to lean out when relational stress occurs. They typically place a high value on independence, actively minimize their emotional needs, and withdraw when relationships begin to feel vulnerable or overly intimate. Ultimately, ambivalent attachment is primarily marked by a persistent fear of abandonment, whereas avoidant attachment is characterized by a fundamental discomfort with intimacy.
Can therapy help with ambivalent attachment?
Clinical evidence demonstrates that targeted therapeutic interventions can be highly effective in addressing ambivalent attachment. Working alongside an attachment-focused therapist provides individuals with a consistent, reliable relationship where trust and emotional stability can be practiced and experienced week after week.
Various therapeutic modalities, including Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), schema therapy, and cognitive-behavioral therapy, assist individuals in identifying deeply ingrained relational patterns, calming an overactive nervous system, and developing healthier habits. Over time, the therapeutic relationship itself frequently functions as a secure base, making it significantly easier for the client to integrate these new ways of relating into their everyday life outside the clinical setting.
How can I deal with an ambivalently attached partner?
For individuals in relationships with someone who exhibits ambivalent attachment, patience and predictability are essential components of maintaining a healthy dynamic. An ambivalently attached partner may require a higher degree of reassurance than initially anticipated, and offering that reassurance consistently and directly can significantly ease their underlying anxiety. Simple actions, such as sending a brief "thinking of you" message prior to entering a long meeting or confirming upcoming plans well in advance, can make a profound difference in their sense of security.
Simultaneously, experts emphasize the importance of establishing healthy boundaries regarding what one can realistically provide within the relationship. A balanced approach involves offering support and warmth where possible, while clearly communicating personal limits. This ensures that the partner feels genuinely cared for and valued without leading to emotional overextension or burnout for the individual providing support.
Interfaith America has officially introduced Rev. Dr. Zina Jacque as a new monthly voice within its growing community platform. A distinguished pastor, writer, and longtime leader dedicated to the spaces where dialogue, dignity, and belonging intersect, Dr. Jacque also lends her expertise and leadership as a valued member of Interfaith America’s Board of Directors.
Beginning immediately, Dr. Jacque is contributing a recurring monthly feature titled "Sacred Pause." Designed to cut through the noise of contemporary public life, the series offers readers a brief, intentional reflection meant to foster clarity, grounding, and thoughtful engagement with human difference. At a historical moment when civic discourse and digital public life far too frequently reward speed over depth, urgency over reflection, and reaction over understanding, this new series invites individuals to slow down. It serves as a gentle yet persistent reminder of what it truly means to build a shared civic life with deliberate intention, patience, and mutual respect.
The introduction of the "Sacred Pause" series arrives as Interfaith America continues its vital work exploring the complexities of pluralism, bridge-building, and social cohesion. Over the past several months, Dr. Jacque’s monthly contributions have traversed a rich landscape of human emotion, civic responsibility, spiritual endurance, and interpersonal dynamics. Through a collection of thoughtful reflections spanning from May through October, her writings have offered readers a steady compass for navigating the turbulent waters of modern public and private life.
A Sacred Pause: October
In the October installment of the series, Dr. Jacque addressed a profound and often uncomfortable question that frequently gets sidelined in polite conversations about pluralism and dialogue: What happens when someone does not recognize your humanity?
While bridge-building initiatives and diversity efforts spend a tremendous amount of time teaching individuals how to recognize the inherent worth of others, Dr. Jacque pointed out a critical truth frequently overlooked in these spaces—honoring the dignity of others should never require forfeiting your own. In her October reflection, she emphasized that true connection does not demand self-diminishment. Individuals do not have to make themselves smaller to build relationships, nor do they have to erase their own identities or experiences in order to truly belong. Holding onto one’s dignity, she noted, is not a distraction from the arduous work of community-building; rather, it is the fundamental bedrock upon which authentic connection must be built.
A Sacred Pause: September
Moving backward into the challenges of late summer, the September reflection offered a compassionate and much-needed reminder concerning the fine line between deep personal commitment and total emotional and physical depletion.
Dr. Jacque observed that the individuals most susceptible to burnout are invariably the ones who care the deepest. They are the people who consistently show up, who take on the heavy emotional labor of explaining, and who tirelessly try to bridge deep ideological and cultural divides even when the path forward seems entirely obscured. However, she acknowledged that there comes a distinct moment when the human body, the weary mind, and the exhausted spirit sound an unmistakable alarm, signaling that enough is enough for today.
According to Dr. Jacque, listening to that internal truth and honoring one’s limits is never a sign of weakness; it is a profound manifestation of wisdom. A deliberate pause, she reminded her readers, is frequently the very mechanism that grants individuals the resilience required to wake up and keep showing up tomorrow.
A Sacred Pause: August
As summer drew to a close and communities braced for the rapid, high-pressure rhythm of a new school year, the August reflection invited readers to examine the quiet, internal signals they so often choose to ignore.
Posing a deeply introspective question, Dr. Jacque asked what might happen if individuals recognized that some of their wisest teachers have been trying to get their attention all along through tension, fatigue, and the quiet, persistent reminders that they are carrying burdens far too heavy to sustain. With life shifting into a much faster gear, the August piece offered a crucial paradigm shift: rest is never simply a casual reward granted at the end of endurance. Instead, rest is precisely what makes endurance possible in the first place. A pause, she argued, is never a failure of purpose; rather, it is the vital environment in which purpose manages to survive.
A Sacred Pause: July
In July, against the backdrop of an unsteady cultural and political landscape and with the approach of America’s 250th anniversary, the reflection spoke directly to the widespread national anxiety regarding what it means to forge a shared future during an era of profound and rapid change.
Dr. Jacque offered readers a practice of steadiness. She clarified that this steadiness is neither passive silence nor cowardly withdrawal from the public square, but rather an active, deliberate way of staying firmly grounded in what matters most. Her guidance was direct and actionable: name one foundational value that holds you, carry it with unyielding intention, and let it shape how you move through and engage with human difference. A steady people, she suggested, possess the internal fortitude required to build a nation that can endure the tests of time.
A Sacred Pause: June
Looking outward at the daily interactions that define human existence, the June installment of the series focused on the hidden depths of everyday encounters.
Dr. Jacque reminded readers that every single person they pass on any given day is carrying something of profound worth. The reflection challenged individuals to consider what it genuinely means to see one another—not merely as an abstract philosophical theory, but as a daily, lived practice. This is particularly vital, she noted, when encountering differences that feel unfamiliar, foreign, or personally challenging. Across diverse traditions and human experiences, a single shared truth remains constant: the person standing right in front of you truly matters. The enduring question facing society is whether individuals will actively choose to live as though they believe it.
A Sacred Pause: May
The foundation for this entire monthly journey was laid back in May, beginning with a very simple yet arresting directive delivered right before a reader begins to scroll through the endless stream of digital information: pause.
Dr. Jacque invited her audience to stop and examine the invisible story they were carrying beneath the surface at that exact moment. She pointed out that the unspoken stories individuals carry internally inevitably shape how they listen, how quickly they judge, and how they respond to difference in the world around them. Her May reflection encouraged people to simply notice the narrative they bring into any given room—not with the immediate, frantic urge to fix it, but simply for the sake of seeing it clearly. In Dr. Jacque’s view, simple, unvarnished awareness is precisely where true transformation and lasting change begin.
Through the continuation of the "Sacred Pause" series, Interfaith America and Rev. Dr. Zina Jacque look forward to guiding their community through these ongoing reflections, fostering an environment where depth, dignity, and intentional dialogue can continue to take root.
Before a single word of introduction was spoken at the Wilderness Awareness School’s Wild Women’s Weekend last October, the event’s host handed off a hypothetical torch to Marina Rivera, charging her with the task of striking the weekend’s first ceremonial fire. Moving with deliberate grace, Marina stepped in slow, dancer-like motions toward a piece of dry wood, anchoring it securely with one bare foot. She paused to take several deep, steady breaths, closing her eyes to center herself before beginning the delicate ritual.
When she opened her eyes, she moved with fluid precision. Holding a wooden spindle with one hand, she pressed it down into the board resting on the ground beneath her. With her other hand, she gripped a handmade bow, sawing it smoothly back and forth to cause rapid friction between the rotating spindle and the wooden base. Every few moments, she paused to take intentional, calming breaths. Before long, thin wisps of smoke began to curl upward from the friction-drilled hole, signaling the birth of a glowing coal. Carefully extracting the ember, she nested it within a soft tuft of shredded cedar tree bark.
Kneeling close to the material, Marina began blowing gentle, measured breaths into the tuft of bark until soft flames licked upward. She then transferred the nascent fire to a intricately carved piece of wood featuring thin, curling ribbons shaved into the stick, allowing the flames to catch before moving them finally to a small pile of tinder waiting in the center of the fire pit. Just like that, the fire was lit—at least for a brief moment, before local safety regulations and an active fire ban necessitated that it be safely extinguished.
Throughout the entire demonstration, the crowd of roughly 50 attendees stood completely transfixed, unable to look away. Aside from the soft sound of Marina’s breathing and the eventual crackling of the flame, absolute silence blanketed the gathering. For many observers, including first-time participants unfamiliar with the technical names of the tools, it was immediately clear that something far deeper than mere survival mechanics was taking place. The exercise possessed an undeniable, quiet resonance that felt distinctly spiritual.
Reflecting on the moment later, participants wrestled with the terminology of such a deeply grounded experience. While applying spiritual labels to a back-to-the-land journey can sometimes feel overly cliché, the profound impact of watching Marina was undeniable. It transcened the purely utilitarian realization that these skills could one day serve as vital tools for staying alive in an emergency or societal breakdown. Watching her effortlessly draw fire from what appeared to be nothing, observing her steady breathing, and noting how she entirely tuned out the gaze of more than a hundred watchful eyes sparked a broader realization: fire-making is not merely a hard physical skill, but an art form firmly rooted in intuition and inner balance.
This perspective was reinforced later in the day when the large group broke into smaller cohorts for hands-on workshops. Marina led the session on primitive fire-making, introducing participants to the fundamental tools of the trade—the bow drill, cedar bark, feather sticks, and tinder. Excitement rippled through the group as attendees realized that by the conclusion of the session, they might actually acquire the ability to forge fire entirely from the raw materials scattered across the surrounding landscape.
Then came the pivotal insight that fundamentally shifted how participants viewed the craft. Marina stopped the group with a profound distinction about modern reliance versus environmental fluency. She explained that while carrying modern tools like a mechanical lighter or a ferro rod is convenient, those items ultimately act as a direct compensation for humanity’s collective loss of intimacy and knowledge regarding the natural environment. As a person grows deeply familiar with the surrounding land, those artificial crutches become unnecessary, though learning to achieve that level of connection requires a journey far beyond a single weekend workshop.
As the afternoon sessions progressed, Marina laid out the meticulous groundwork required before any spark can catch. Walking the participants through wood-chopping, fuel gathering, and the precise art of crafting feather sticks before demonstrating ignition with a knife and ferro rod, she underscored the immense labor involved in preparation. Notably, she consistently used the phrase "getting fire" rather than "making fire."
When asked about the nuance, Marina explained that acquiring fire demands both technical proficiency and emotional attunement. In her view, fire is fundamentally ingrained in the human body and collective history, serving not only as a physical center for community but as a reflection of human identity itself. Getting fire implies that the element already exists within the environment, waiting to be unlocked by someone open and receptive to it. This reframing shed new light on her earlier morning demonstration, highlighting the mental focus required to successfully commune with the task under pressure.
This realization bridged the traditional divide between hard and soft skills, revealing them to be part of a continuous spectrum rather than opposing categories. While hard skills represent quantifiable, objective abilities refined through repetition and physical labor—such as gathering the exact amount of bark or striking a ferro rod at the precise angle—soft skills encompass qualitative, subjective traits like patience, critical thinking, and listening. Even when all technical parameters are met flawlessly, a fire is never guaranteed to catch. True success relies heavily on presence, intuition, and emotional grounding.
By the end of the workshop, participants celebrated their own hard-won victories, successfully chopping wood, fashioning workable if imperfect feather sticks, scraping cedar bark to harvest fine fibers, and generating a spark with a ferro rod to catch a tiny ember of dehydrated denim. Guided by gentle breath, those small sparks bloomed into genuine flames transferred successfully to the waiting fire pits.
Yet, subsequent challenges tested those newly formed theories. During a timed exercise requiring participants to start a fire using a single match within a strict five-minute window, the sudden pressure proved overwhelming for some. Racing hearts and rising frustration highlighted the stark difference between practicing a skill in a relaxed environment and performing it under stress. Recalling Marina’s earlier advice proved essential: when a fire refuses to ignite, forcing the issue only leads to panic, whereas remaining calm, assessing the situation, and adapting is the true hallmark of a skilled outdoorsperson. True readiness requires emotional composure just as much as technical execution.
The weekend experience at the Wilderness Awareness School ultimately underscored that survival training does not need to conform to traditional, hyper-masculine frameworks centered purely on mechanical endurance. By weaving mindfulness, nature connection, and emotional awareness directly into technical instruction, the school offers a holistic approach that honors intuition as much as preparation. For participants navigating their own personal journeys toward self-reliance, realizing that skill mastery is an ongoing relationship with the natural world rather than a rigid destination provides a sustainable path forward.
In today’s increasingly digital society, getting through a day without interacting with technology or the internet has become virtually impossible. From educational tools to social connection, children and teenagers increasingly desire—and in many cases require—greater access to online spaces. Yet, for parents and caregivers, granting that access is frequently met with hesitation and careful deliberation.
This hesitation is especially pronounced among families formed through adoption and foster care. Many children impacted by early adversity, trauma, or the disruption of biological family bonds carry deep wounds related to loss, abandonment, and broken trust. For these vulnerable youth, the online world can introduce complex risks, overwhelming emotions, and psychological triggers that may hit them much harder than their peers.
Consequently, the role of the modern parent extends far beyond simply setting arbitrary limits. Caregivers are tasked not only with establishing healthy boundaries and digital habits, but also with walking alongside their children as they learn to navigate technology safely while maintaining a strong, trusting connection with the family. Experts suggest that a thoughtful, tailored approach can help bridge the gap between necessary digital literacy and emotional protection.
Choose Devices and Access Based on Your Child’s Needs, Not Just Their Age
When it comes to introducing technology into the household, a one-size-fits-all approach rarely succeeds. Families must carefully evaluate the unique dynamics of their household, taking into account the chronological ages of their children, their individual maturity levels, and the practical necessity of the devices in question. While a young child has little need for unmonitored smartphone access, an older teen who drives independently may require reliable communication tools for safety and coordination.
For children impacted by trauma and loss, however, parents are advised to factor in developmental age alongside chronological age. A teenager who is fourteen years old on paper may still experience significant delays in self-regulation, impulse control, and critical judgment due to early childhood adversity. Recognizing this reality is not a criticism of the child, but rather an acknowledgment of their personal history—a clear reminder that they require heightened support and guidance, particularly during the initial stages of digital independence.
To address these varying needs, many families choose to begin with specialized devices designed specifically for younger users. Commonly referred to as "dumb phones," these basic handsets typically block internet browsing entirely while permitting communication only with pre-approved contacts. Alternatively, parents can implement comprehensive parental control applications that offer granular oversight, allowing them to monitor and restrict access to specific applications, websites, and device settings depending on the child’s demonstrated readiness.
Create Screen-Free Zones and Times—And Provide Needed Support During Transitions
Establishing clear, predictable boundaries regarding when and where digital devices are permitted serves as a foundational step in managing household technology. Common designated "no phone zones" frequently include private spaces such as bedrooms and bathrooms, as well as communal areas dedicated to family interaction, like the dinner table.
To reinforce these physical boundaries, many households utilize a central charging station often referred to as a "phone home." By mounting a dedicated holder on a wall near a power outlet, families create a centralized location where devices must rest overnight, functioning similarly to a traditional landline and eliminating nighttime digital temptations.
Establishing firm operating hours—such as requiring phones to be docked from bedtime until breakfast—is another strategy frequently employed by caregivers. This can be accomplished through physical collection points or parental control software that automatically disables device functions after designated evening hours. Prioritizing rest is critical for every developing child, but it holds even greater importance for youth whose brains and bodies are actively working to build a sense of internal safety and emotional regulation.
At the same time, caregivers note that transitioning away from a screen can provoke intense emotional reactions, particularly for children with a history of trauma. Abruptly seizing a device often triggers a defensive response. Providing advance notice—such as a gentle reminder that five minutes remain before devices must be plugged in—or offering structured choices, like asking whether the child prefers to dock the phone themselves or have the parent assist, can help prevent meltdowns and foster a sense of empowerment rather than strict control.
Normalize Monitoring and Rules
Open communication regarding digital oversight helps reframe restrictions as protective measures rather than punitive rules. Parents often find success by letting children and teenagers know upfront that online activity—including text messages, contact lists, social media interactions, and downloaded applications—will be regularly reviewed.
Explaining that this monitoring exists to cultivate safe digital habits rather than to invade privacy helps build mutual trust. When oversight is predictable, transparent, and discussed openly, it reinforces a sense of security. For teens active on social media, many families mandate that accounts remain private, requiring open visibility regarding who their children follow and who is permitted to view their personal profiles.
Furthermore, child development advocates emphasize that setting expectations around technology use inherently requires adults to model those same behaviors. Children closely observe how parents manage their own screen time, making personal accountability an essential component of household digital guidelines.
Keep Discussions Open Around Tech Use
Integrating technology into ongoing household conversations ensures that digital safety remains an evolving dialogue rather than a one-time lecture. Encouraging children and teenagers to come forward without fear of harsh consequences if they encounter something strange, uncomfortable, or potentially dangerous online creates an invaluable safety net. Ultimately, a strong, communicative relationship between parent and child remains the most effective protection available in the digital era.
Regularly checking in about emerging online trends, popular applications, and digital etiquette helps families evaluate whether specific platforms align with their values and safety standards. Moreover, when children or teenagers approach caregivers with thoughtful compromises regarding existing rules, experts recommend validating and celebrating that maturity. Negotiating respectfully and working collaboratively toward solutions are vital life skills that parents desire to instill in their children, and remaining receptive to these discussions demonstrates that young voices are genuinely heard within the family.
Families seeking further guidance on managing digital habits and navigating the broader journey of parenting can explore resources provided by organizations such as the Hanlon family through programs like Hope for the Journey, which offer ongoing support and practical strategies for everyday challenges.
For Jamie C. Martin, editor of Simple Homeschool, a lifelong literary journey with a certain red-headed orphan eventually led to an unexpected epiphany about modern parenting. Long before she navigated the daily trials of raising her own three children, Martin spent countless hours of her 12-year-old life immersed in the imaginative world crafted by Canadian author L.M. Montgomery. Those early encounters with Anne Shirley—complete with an "e"—helped plant foundational seeds that would later blossom into a deep passion for adoption, literature, writing, and an unapologetic embrace of starry-eyed dreaming.
Yet, the relationship between reader and character evolved significantly over time. As a teenager and young adult, Martin devoured the entire Anne of Green Gables series alongside any other Montgomery titles she could acquire. Years later, following her marriage, Martin encountered a more complex side of the author through the five published volumes of L.M. Montgomery’s journals. These grown-up entries revealed a reality mixed with deep sorrow, joy, heartbreak, and resilience. They offered a starkly different perspective, prompting Martin to wonder if she could ever look at the beloved fictional heroine in the exact same light again.
As it turned out, Anne still had a few more lessons left to impart. Approaching a classic text with a specific personal question in mind is a strategy often recommended for readers seeking deeper insight. When Martin recently revisited Anne of Green Gables as a parent, she framed her reading around a singular, pressing inquiry: What can a modern parent actually learn from this timeless narrative?
The answer she uncovered has since become a cornerstone of her daily family life: loosen up and let maturity do its work.
Throughout Montgomery’s classic novel, the young Anne is a whirlwind of mischief. Whether she is accidentally inventing stories, disastrously dyeing her hair a shocking shade of green, falling from the ridgepole of a roof, or inadvertently getting her closest friend, Diana Barry, intoxicated with homemade currant wine, Anne’s childhood is marked by continuous misadventures. Furthermore, she possesses a fierce, volatile temper. This fiery disposition is famously displayed when she shatters her school slate directly over the head of classmate Gilbert Blythe after he mocks her distinctive red hair. Even when Gilbert attempts to make amends, Anne demonstrates a stubborn refusal to forgive, epitomized by the moment he slips a pink candy heart bearing the message "You are sweet" onto her desk. Anne gingerly picks up the sweet between her fingertips, drops it to the floor, grinds it to powder beneath her heel, and refuses to grant him a single glance.
Despite such intense behavioral outbursts, the stern and tense Marilla Cuthbert—who, alongside her gentle brother Matthew, adopted the orphan girl—gradually softens. Following the violent slate-breaking incident, Marilla makes a crucial concession, allowing Anne to stay home from school rather than forcing an immediate return. Instead, Anne studies her lessons independently at home, handles her daily chores, and spends her autumn twilights playing with Diana. Matthew, who recognized Anne’s spirit early on, had previously advised Marilla to be as kind as possible without spoiling her, expressing his belief that Anne was the sort of child who would respond to genuine affection above all else.
Beneath the endless scrapes and fiery reactions, Anne possessed a rare inner genius defined by unbridled imagination, creativity, intelligence, and emerging character. Those qualities simply required time to surface and find proper expression. At the right season of life, that inner potential blossomed into brilliance.
Reflecting on this gradual transformation brought to mind insights from the book Unschooling Rules: 55 Ways to Unlearn What We Know About School and Rediscover Education. As noted in the book’s fortieth chapter, maturation possesses a distinct kind of magic. Irrational teenagers inevitably transition into rational adults, while calmness and focus eventually return. Childhood is continuously characterized by alternating phases of equilibrium and disequilibrium, driven by internal developmental clocks that often operate independently of external institutional expectations.
For modern parents and homeschoolers who may find themselves growing overly tense or strict under the weight of academic expectations, the narrative of Green Gables offers a compelling invitation to reconsider. By choosing to trust the natural developmental process, parents might find the emotional bandwidth to relax, share a laugh amid the daily mischief, and truly enjoy the journey of raising children. As Montgomery’s text suggests, a little genuine appreciation can sometimes accomplish just as much good as all the conscientious upbringing in the world.
