Understanding Child Tantrums and "Spicy Nuggets": Loryn Brantz Joins Janet Lansbury on Unruffled
Every parent is familiar with the sudden, overwhelming transformation: a peaceful afternoon can evaporate in seconds when a child erupts into a full-blown, uncompromising tantrum. Navigating these intensely emotional episodes is arguably one of the most demanding trials of modern child-rearing. Addressing this universal parenting hurdle, Emmy Award-winning author, artist, and illustrator Loryn Brantz recently joined parenting expert Janet Lansbury on an episode of the Unruffled podcast to discuss her new children’s book, I Am a Spicy Nugget.
The conversation between Lansbury and Brantz offers a deep dive into the neurological and emotional reality of childhood meltdowns. Together, they unpack what is actually happening beneath the surface—both for the overwhelmed child and for the adult struggling to keep their own composure. The core message of Brantz’s work, shaped by her personal experiences raising strong-willed children, challenges conventional parenting instincts: rather than stepping in with immediate corrections or escalating interventions, the most effective response is frequently to do less, step back, and allow the emotional storm to pass naturally.
Brantz brings a uniquely creative background to her writing and parenting philosophy. Known for her extensive career that includes winning Emmys for puppet design and construction at Jim Henson’s workshop, Brantz has also authored numerous beloved children’s books, including the bestselling series Feminist Baby, It Had To Be You (A Love Poem Your Baby Can See), and the New York Times bestseller Poems of Parenting. Her latest release, I Am a Spicy Nugget, uses humor and grace to deliver a comforting message to both children navigating big feelings and parents trying to make sense of them.
During the podcast discussion, Lansbury expressed deep admiration for the book, noting that while she has spent hundreds of podcast episodes and blog posts trying to help parents understand and accept children’s anger, Brantz managed to encapsulate and masterfully demonstrate the concept entirely within the format of a picture book.
Anger remains one of the hardest emotions for adults to accept and manage in children. Reflecting on her creative process and personal journey, Brantz admitted that she and her husband have been through the gauntlet of parenting extreme emotional extremes. Early on, her daughter experienced frequent dysregulation, prompting Brantz to read extensively, consult psychologists, and seek advice from various specialists.
One particular piece of conventional advice regarding bedtime struggles—triggered after the birth of the family’s second child, which led to a grueling cycle of sleepless nights—served as a crucial breaking point. It made Brantz and her husband realize that not all expert advice is universally applicable. They recognized the necessity of reacting to their specific child, following their parental instincts, and tailoring their approach to her unique temperament. This journey also introduced Brantz to the concept of pathological demand avoidance, commonly known as PDA, where a child’s nervous system short-circuits under everyday demands due to underlying anxiety or feelings of capability mismatch.
By learning to meet their daughter where she was—such as swapping out sensory-triggering hand-washing routines for simple hand wipes—Brantz and her husband observed dramatic improvements in her calmness and development. They applied these lessons to raising their son as well, discovering that treating children with deep empathy requires acknowledging who they are without judgment. Brantz emphasizes that children desperately want to please their parents and often experience intense shame when they feel they are failing. This underlying embarrassment and lack of impulse control frequently manifest as rage, completely shifting the dynamic of how parents should respond.
Lansbury reinforced this perspective, noting that young children are constantly off-balance due to their rapidly developing brains and bodies, combined with immature self-regulation abilities. Brantz aptly summarized this dynamic in correspondence about her book, reminding parents that children are not on equal footing with adults. They are sweet, developing individuals with underdeveloped prefrontal cortexes who are still learning. Consequently, before reacting with frustration, adults need to see their children as clearly as possible and adjust their expectations accordingly.
Achieving this level of patience requires considerable internal work on the part of the parent. Brantz shared that managing her own severe OCD and anxiety led her to embrace meditation and mindfulness practices. Influenced heavily by Michael Singer’s book The Untethered Soul, Brantz learned the practice of radical acceptance and how to become an observer of her own thoughts and feelings rather than getting swept away by them. She realized a fundamental truth that applies as much to parenting as it does to the wider world: she cannot control her daughter’s feelings, nor can she control tantrums. Her role is simply to ensure her children are safe, loved, and supported as they grow.
This philosophical grounding directly informs how Brantz handles explosive moments in her home. Rather than attempting to reason with a child who is entirely dysregulated and operating outside of rational control, Brantz advocates for stepping back. Intervention during the height of a tantrum typically escalates the tension because the adult is often acting out of their own discomfort and desire for the noise to stop. Instead, Brantz allows the emotional wave to run its course. Once the child has naturally calmed down, they can reconnect, unpack what happened, and move forward without lingering shame or punishment.
The conversation also highlighted the role of imaginative play and humor in preventing or deescalating potential conflicts. Whether it is turning a routine exit from the house into a playful race against invisible animals or initiating a conga line at bedtime to entice reluctant toddlers, Brantz utilizes creativity to lower the emotional temperature of the household. The concept for I Am a Spicy Nugget itself emerged from a playful moment when her daughter was becoming upset, and Brantz jokingly threatened to dunk her like a chicken nugget into cold milk to cool her off. The lighthearted physical play instantly broke the tension.
Reflecting on the book’s narrative arc, Lansbury pointed to the poignant conclusion where the young protagonist looks up and wonders aloud what she was even mad about in the first place. This realistic depiction underscores the ephemeral nature of childhood meltdowns. Children in the grip of a tantrum are transported to an unreachable emotional state; once the wave passes, they frequently return to play as if nothing happened, while the adults are left picking up the pieces of their own frayed nerves.
Both Lansbury and Brantz emphasized that parents must learn to protect their own energy during these episodes rather than wasting it on futile attempts to reason with a dysregulated child. By practicing self-care, cultivating inner peace, and anchoring themselves rather than riding every emotional wave alongside their children, parents can foster a resilient, trusting relationship built on mutual respect. I Am a Spicy Nugget is scheduled for release, offering families a humorous, validating, and compassionate tool for navigating the stormy seas of childhood emotions.
