Why Parents and Educators Need RIE: Janet Lansbury and Melani Ladygo Explore the Power of Respectful Infant Care
The parenting approach known as RIE—pronounced “rye”—often evokes strong reactions. For many parents and early childhood professionals who practice it, the philosophy is described as profound and life-changing. Yet, for others encountering it for the first time, certain elements can sound unusual, controversial, or even impractical. To demystify what the approach truly entails and how it benefits families, long-time advocate and podcast host Janet Lansbury recently welcomed Resources for Infant Educarers (RIE) Executive Director Melani Ladygo onto her Unruffled podcast for an in-depth conversation on the core tenets of respectful childcare.
Lansbury’s own journey with RIE began more than 30 years ago when she attended classes with her firstborn, an experience inspired by the teachings of infant expert and RIE founder Magda Gerber. Those early sessions fundamentally shifted Lansbury’s perceptions of babies, the art of childcare, and life itself. Having trained one-on-one with Gerber, Lansbury has spent years answering questions from parents and early childhood professionals seeking to define the nuanced philosophy. Recognizing the challenge of summarizing such a rich approach into a simple soundbite, Lansbury turned to Ladygo, a longtime RIE associate and home-based parent-infant class instructor who embodies the deep respect championed by Gerber.
The discussion quickly turned to the elusive "elevator pitch" for RIE. Ladygo recalled taking her initial 60-hour training course—formerly known as RIE I and now titled RIE Foundations—hoping to easily articulate the philosophy to others. Despite completing the intensive curriculum alongside passionate early childhood educators, she found herself filled up with knowledge yet still struggling to succinctly describe the approach. It was only through years of working in the RIE office, answering phones, and speaking directly with families that Ladygo honed her ability to explain it.
At its core, Ladygo explained, RIE is an organization that teaches parents and professionals how to foster respectful, reciprocal relationships with babies and toddlers from birth to age two. The term "educarer," coined by Gerber, captures the dual nature of the role: adults care while they educate, and educate while they care. The organization functions as a vital resource for practitioners of this educaring approach, supporting adults who want to build a lifelong bond rooted in mutual trust and respect with their children from the very beginning.
Reflecting on her own experience, Lansbury noted that prior to discovering RIE, she shared the common misconception that deep bonding and respect only happen later in childhood, once children develop verbal skills and can participate in mutual play. However, observing her three-month-old daughter in an RIE class revealed a revelation: even a tiny infant possesses a rich inner world filled with thoughts and ideas. That moment marked Lansbury’s realization that her baby was a distinct person with her own agency, rather than merely a passive respondent to adult stimulation.
Ladygo shared a similar path to the philosophy, sparked by a college child development course that illuminated the profound impact of early brain development on behavior and relationships. Eager to gain real-world experience, she secured a position in an infant program heavily influenced by RIE principles. Walking into a room of twelve babies, Ladygo was immediately struck by the peaceful atmosphere. Her early missteps—such as instinctively trying to comfort a crying infant by jostling them or physically assisting a toddler struggling to climb a slide—were met with gentle guidance from veteran teachers.
Recalling an incident where she helped a toddler up a slide, a colleague asked Ladygo whether the child had actually asked for help or looked frustrated. The question prompted Ladygo to consider the child’s perspective, realizing the toddler had not been seeking intervention and had accomplished the feat with adult assistance rather than independently. This sparked her curiosity about why traditional reactions like distracting a crying baby or rushing to help were discouraged under the RIE framework, eventually leading her to complete the formal RIE training in Silver Lake, California.
The conversation highlighted how acknowledging a baby’s valid point of view transforms the caregiver-child dynamic. Ladygo illustrated this universal human desire to be seen by sharing an anecdote from teaching outdoor parent-infant classes during the COVID-19 pandemic. Regularly purchasing large quantities of bananas—the standard snack served in RIE classes—prompted a curious grocery store checker to ask about her frequent visits. When Ladygo explained that she taught a class helping parents slow down, allow children to figure things out, and truly see their children, a customer waiting nearby slammed his hand on a register and declared that his own parents needed that class. The interaction underscored a fundamental truth: individuals of all ages yearn to be seen and understood.
Lansbury emphasized that the ultimate gift of RIE is not merely optimal infant development, but the profound relief it offers parents. When adults let go of the perceived obligation to perform, constantly entertain, or artificially manufacture happiness, they escape the trap of modern parental perfectionism. By stepping back, observing, and allowing children space to encounter and navigate minor struggles—such as a challenging climb or a frustrating moment—parents shed an immense amount of emotional labor. This shift establishes a calm baseline, turning routine interactions into opportunities for genuine connection.
Addressing the inevitability of difficult moments, both experts agreed that the approach does not eliminate human exhaustion or frustration. Caregiving remains physically and emotionally demanding. However, having a reliable framework allows adults to acknowledge the struggle authentically rather than forcing artificial cheerfulness. Lansbury shared how giving herself permission to voice frustration during challenging moments, such as a difficult diaper change, serves as an authentic reset that brings both parent and child back to a moment of honest connection.
The philosophy also profoundly shapes how children learn to navigate social relationships and boundaries with peers. Ladygo recounted an experience with a mother who struggled when her strong-willed toddler refused to share a rocking boat with other children. Through discussion, the mother realized her discomfort stemmed from her own habit of acquiescing to others at the expense of her personal boundaries. RIE encourages children to understand their own limits and desires, ensuring that kindness and sharing stem from genuine capacity rather than forced compliance. Lansbury noted that adults maintain safety and act as neutral translators during peer conflicts rather than acting as judges or arbitrators, allowing children to authentically work through social situations and discover their own solutions.
To help educators and parents deepen their understanding of these concepts, Lansbury highlighted the upcoming online RIE Conference, themed around authentic play and featuring prominent speaker Peter Gray. The event offers workshops exploring practical applications of free play, conflict resolution, and the broader implementation of respectful care principles in diverse educational settings. Organizers noted that the conference provides a supportive community for individuals striving to foster peaceful, respectful relationships with children in their care.
