{"id":952,"date":"2026-10-26T12:45:23","date_gmt":"2026-10-26T12:45:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/spiritualparent.org\/?p=952"},"modified":"2026-10-26T12:45:23","modified_gmt":"2026-10-26T12:45:23","slug":"parenting-expert-janet-lansbury-addresses-the-fine-line-between-authenticity-and-over-sharing-with-toddlers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/spiritualparent.org\/?p=952","title":{"rendered":"Parenting Expert Janet Lansbury Addresses the Fine Line Between Authenticity and Over-Sharing with Toddlers"},"content":{"rendered":"

In a recent episode of her parenting podcast Unruffled<\/em>, renowned author and parenting specialist Janet Lansbury addressed a common and deeply relatable dilemma faced by caregivers: how to remain authentic with young children when genuine emotional responses\u2014such as annoyance or anger\u2014feel harsh, mean, or potentially damaging to the parent-child bond. <\/p>\n

The discussion was prompted by a candid email from a mother of a three-year-old and a nine-month-old. The parent shared her ongoing struggle to balance her personal therapeutic journey of identifying and allowing her own emotions with her desire to protect her young children from feeling rejected. Specifically, she questioned whether it is appropriate\u2014or emotionally honest\u2014to decline a hug from her toddler after feeling frustrated by disruptive behavior, or if doing so unfairly projects adult emotional baggage onto a small child.<\/p>\n

The parent\u2019s dilemma highlighted a nuanced tension in modern gentle parenting frameworks. While philosophies like Lansbury\u2019s emphasize building authentic, respectful relationships where children learn that all feelings are acceptable, parents frequently grapple with how to manage their own boundaries when they feel depleted, impatient, or genuinely unenthusiastic about physical affection in moments of friction.<\/p>\n

Lansbury, who has long advocated for respectful parenting approaches rooted in the philosophies of Magda Gerber, noted that the mother’s question opens up several critical layers of understanding regarding child development, parental triggers, and the true definition of emotional authenticity within a household. Rather than dismissing the mother’s concerns, Lansbury used the inquiry to unpack the complex dynamics at play when young children push boundaries and parents try to navigate their own emotional landscapes without masking or over-sharing.<\/p>\n

At the heart of the mother\u2019s dilemma was a specific daily scenario: her three-year-old son would repeatedly throw items she had just finished tidying, not out of malice, but seemingly for fun or impulsively. In response, the mother would typically offer a detailed explanation outlining why she found the behavior unacceptable and why she was moving the items away. Shortly afterward, the toddler would approach her asking for a hug on the couch. Because the mother still felt lingering annoyance from the earlier disruption, she felt that offering a warm embrace would be entirely inauthentic, yet she worried that refusing the hug would make her son feel rejected or lead him to believe he is only loved when he is "good."<\/p>\n

Lansbury acknowledged the profound weight of this struggle, pointing out that a significant portion of adults were raised in environments where expressing strong emotions\u2014particularly anger\u2014was discouraged or treated as unwelcome. For adults working through this conditioning, learning to recognize and allow their own feelings is an ongoing process. However, Lansbury offered a vital reframing of the child\u2019s perspective, suggesting that parents often underestimate a child’s deep awareness while overestimating their impulse control.<\/p>\n

According to Lansbury, children do not engage in disruptive actions simply to annoy their parents or because they are having harmless fun. Instead, such impulsive behaviors often signal underlying stress, a cry for connection, or a subconscious test of boundaries. In the context of this specific family, Lansbury noted that the arrival and growing mobility of a nine-month-old sibling represented a massive, often terrifying life transition for a three-year-old. When toddlers feel out of sorts, overwhelmed, or anxious about their shifting place in the family dynamic, they frequently resort to impulsive behaviors that draw a strong reaction from their parents, effectively signaling a need for safety and co-regulation.<\/p>\n

When parents understand the vulnerability and anxiety driving a child’s behavior, Lansbury explained, it becomes much easier to move past raw annoyance and respond with calm, confident authority rather than reactive frustration. However, Lansbury firmly validated the mother\u2019s instinct that she does not need to force a physical hug when she genuinely does not feel like offering one. <\/p>\n

Lansbury emphasized that true authenticity in parenting does not mean unloading every adult emotion onto a child, nor does it require performing enthusiasm or affection that does not match one’s internal state. Forcing a warm embrace when feeling genuinely irritated can create an insincere dynamic that children are intuitively sensitive to. Instead, Lansbury suggested that parents can establish clear, respectful boundaries without over-explaining or bringing adult baggage into the interaction. A simple, calm statement\u2014letting the child know that a hug is not available right now, but that love remains constant and physical affection will return later\u2014allows the parent to remain honest while reassuring the child of the relationship’s security.<\/p>\n

Throughout the discussion, Lansbury praised the mother\u2019s high degree of self-awareness and her dedication to working through personal triggers in therapy. She emphasized that striving for an honest relationship where a parent can acknowledge their own boundaries respectfully is a powerful gift to a child. By separating adult emotional processing from the immediate behavioral correction, parents can maintain clear limits without making children responsible for managing their caregivers’ moods.<\/p>\n

The conversation underscored a central tenet of Lansbury\u2019s broader philosophy: that parenting is not about achieving perfection or remaining endlessly patient, but about striving toward a direction of mutual respect, emotional honesty, and continuous repair. By recognizing that boundaries can be set firmly and kindly without falling into the trap of over-explanation or forced affection, caregivers can model genuine emotional regulation for the children in their care.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In a recent episode of her parenting podcast Unruffled, renowned author and parenting specialist Janet Lansbury addressed a common and deeply relatable dilemma faced by caregivers: how to remain authentic with young children when genuine emotional responses\u2014such as annoyance or anger\u2014feel harsh, mean, or potentially damaging to the parent-child bond. The discussion was prompted by […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":951,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[363],"tags":[1207,1210,367,757,1208,364,758,759,1209,29,365,366,1211,650],"class_list":["post-952","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gentle-positive-parenting","tag-addresses","tag-authenticity","tag-child-development","tag-expert","tag-fine","tag-gentle-parenting","tag-janet","tag-lansbury","tag-line","tag-parenting","tag-positive-discipline","tag-respectful-parenting","tag-sharing","tag-toddlers"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/spiritualparent.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/952","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/spiritualparent.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/spiritualparent.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/spiritualparent.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/spiritualparent.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=952"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/spiritualparent.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/952\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/spiritualparent.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/951"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/spiritualparent.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=952"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/spiritualparent.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=952"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/spiritualparent.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=952"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}